Confront Your Anti-Hero—Build the Life You Deserve
When I was five years old, I asked my mom as she tucked me into bed, 'What if I never get married?' She kissed my forehead and reassured me, 'If you want to get married, you will.' At the time, I thought it was just a simple question, but I now realize it was driven by something much deeper: a fear that I wasn’t enough unless someone chose me.
This fear would live in my shadow in ways I couldn’t have imagined, informing my choices and actions for years to come. As long as I can remember, I romanticized my yet to be written love story—fantasizing about how and where I would meet my prince charming, knowing that once I found him, my life would be complete. I took every opportunity to study love—listening to people tell their love stories, watching romantic comedies and visualizing myself as a princess in a fairytale. I had a clear vision for true love, and I knew that once I found “the one”, I would feel whole.
These subconscious beliefs shaped my approach to dating and relationships. I believed that validation from others would fill the emptiness I felt inside, not realizing that I was trying to fill a void that only self-love could heal. In my quest for love, I went on multiple dates a week in search of the perfect man. Determined to find my partner, I knew exactly what real love looked like and what I would feel when I met my match. After over 700 first dates and nearly two decades of dating, I met the man of my dreams in October 2022. After dating for about two months, I was convinced that he was the love of my life – my soulmate – and I knew that our love would stand the test of time.
How little I knew. After a picture-perfect engagement in August 2023, on a boat off the coast of an island in Croatia, I thought my dream was finally coming true. The ring, the picturesque setting, the sparkle in his eyes—it was everything I had hoped for. For a moment, I felt like everything in my life was falling into place, like I was finally going to get the happily ever after I had romanticized for so many years.
But soon after the engagement, things started to shift. Wedding planning became a battlefield of conflicting visions. At first, I chalked it up to the normal stresses of wedding planning, but deep down, I knew something was off. While I thought we were perfectly aligned on our values and future, I began to see the cracks in our relationship. The little differences that once seemed insignificant now felt much larger—our contrasting ideas on family boundaries, where we would live, and how we would navigate big life decisions. I kept telling myself that love would be enough to overcome these challenges, unwilling to see that the end of this love story was not going to be happily ever after.
Three months later, I was hit with a realization that I never saw coming. We weren’t going to make it. It wasn’t just the end of a relationship; it was the shattering of a dream, of everything I had thought my life was supposed to be. The love I had been so sure of, that I thought could withstand anything, wasn’t enough to overcome our differences. And in that moment, my worst fear was realized: I wasn’t chosen.
I felt like my entire life had shattered. I struggled to breathe, sleep, and focus. The weight of losing something I was so sure about was suffocating. But in that painful moment, I realized I had a choice. I could either stay trapped in the pain, or I could use this as the wake-up call I needed to change. It wasn’t just about the end of a relationship—it was about finally facing myself and asking, ‘How did I get here?’
I immersed myself in self-discovery, exploring journaling, meditation, self-help books and spirituality as part of my healing process. I was desperate for answers, hoping that something, anything, could ease the deep pain I was feeling. Slowly but surely, the pieces started to fall into place as I gained more clarity and consciousness. I learned that our lives are like mirrors, reflecting our inner thoughts and beliefs and began to understand that my subconscious fears had shaped my reality.
On my soul-searching journey, I began to face my deepest fears of abandonment, loneliness, unworthiness head-on. Instead of running away from these painful truths, I became deeply committed to learning how a healthy romantic relationship starts with a healthy relationship with self. I felt empowered to drive change in my life and began to realize that the only person who could save me was myself.
As I ventured out into the dating world again in early 2024, I started looking for a life partner with a different belief system: I was no longer looking for a fairytale romance. I was honest with my dates about my past and the healing journey I was on. I became more discerning in my assessment of who could be a good partner for me and was transforming into a more authentic confident version of myself.
A few months into dating again, I met Joey. He was unlike anyone I had ever dated before — he was secure, communicative, and was emotionally available. When I called him after our 4th date and told him I wasn’t sure we should continue because I thought he wasn’t “deep enough” for me, he simply responded, “Don’t you think that takes time? We just met two weeks ago.” His calm, grounded response made me realize something: I was projecting my past fears onto him. For the first time, I felt truly seen for who I was—not who I thought I needed to be to “earn” love.
We realized quickly that not only did our values and vision for our lives align, but how many little things we had in common and how easy it was to spend time together. I shared my most vulnerable thoughts with Joey as I worked through my fear of abandonment. I never expected Joey to “save” me — I knew that was my work to do. Joey was patient and understanding as I continued to heal throughout our relationship. He saw all of me and not only accepted me, but loved me more for my courage to be my authentic self. Fast forward to December 2024 – Joey asked me to spend the rest of our lives together. I am so grateful for his unwavering support, unconditional love and true partnership.
As I look back on my journey, I wish that five-year-old girl had known she would not only find love—but also find herself along the way. True fulfillment doesn’t come from finding the ‘right’ partner; it starts with becoming the ‘right’ person for yourself.
And here’s the thing: you are not alone in this. If you’ve ever wondered if you’re worthy of love, if you’ve been through your own painful cycles, or if you’ve felt like something’s missing but you can’t put your finger on it— I see you. I’ve been there, too.
Through my own journey, I learned that true fulfillment comes from within, from building the relationship with yourself that opens the door to everything else. I want to help you break free from the beliefs that have been keeping you stuck and help you step into the empowered, confident, and authentic version of yourself. Together, we will uncover what’s holding you back and create a life full of love, joy, and success—on your terms. The life you desire is already inside of you. I’m here to help you bring it to life. Let’s take that first step together!
